Do you ever notice that kids tell the weirdest and most unnecessary lies? My 5-year old son is on a serious kick of lying all the time. That boy can tell a story about anything. All kids are prone to embellishment, and I know it’s “normal” and “harmless” for kids to tell little white lies, especially when they think they’ll be in trouble, but, dang it, it’s getting on my nerves! And I don’t want my kid to be “one of those kids” that lies all the time. Those kids must come from parents who don’t know what they’re doing, right? Those kids must have something wrong at home, don’t they? I would never have one of those kids. Well, I have one of those kids! Here’s a typical back and forth between he and I where he is all too quick to lie:
Me: “Buddy, you need go and brush your teeth.”
Jack: (After a few seconds of quick thinking) “I already brushed them!”
Me: (Knowing he hadn’t brushed his teeth) “Are you sure? Your toothbrush is still dry.”
Jack: (Thinking that he’s the smartest boy in the land) “Um…. I dried it off after I brushed them!”
Me: (Trying not to laugh but also slightly annoyed) “Nice try. Get up there and brush your teeth!”
Another example happened the other day when I walked into his bathroom and almost fell on my butt when I slipped on the pee that was COVERING the bathroom floor. On a side note, how in the hell do little boys pee everywhere EXCEPT in the toilet?! Are they spinning circles in there?! But I digress. Back to my story.
Me: “JACK! Did you pee all over the bathroom?! You need to be careful and pee in the toilet!”
Jack: Mom, I promise it wasn’t me! It must have been Evan (his 2-year old sister).
Aside from not understanding how anatomically impossible it is that his sister peed on the walls, Jack was obviously lying.
A few uneasy nights have been spent awake, talking to my husband, and worrying about things we could do differently to encourage Jack to tell the truth. Wondering if we’re making our kids feel safe enough to tell us the truth or if they’re so afraid of punishment that they will lie about anything to avoid getting in trouble. I promise I don’t beat my son or even “punish” him much besides a stern talking to, a short time-out, or asking for an apology. We try to teach him the right thing to do rather than always punishing, but this is definitely not easy, and we’re certainly not always successful with it. I’m glad to say that Jack has been doing better at telling the truth lately, but his storytelling has got me thinking about lies and truth in my own life.
One of my favorite bands is Fleetwood Mac, and one of my favorite songs is “Little Lies”. As I write this, the lyrics keep going through my head.
Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies
Tell me lies, tell me, tell me lies
Oh, no, no you can’t disguise
You can’t disguise, no you can’t disguise
Tell me lies
Tell me sweet little lies
Lately I’ve been thinking about the little lies I tell myself every day and wondering about the “truths” I have made myself believe that actually aren’t true at all. Admittedly, my lies aren’t exactly the same as Jack’s. I don’t tell my husband I brushed my teeth when I didn’t (usually). My lies involve no one but myself. Some of these lies are innocent and just make me feel better about myself:
“I’ll workout later”
“I’ve never forgotten my kids at school”
“I’ll only eat one bite”
“It’s okay if I’m late”
“Turkey bacon tastes as good as real bacon”
“I wouldn’t sleep with Christopher Walken” (Hey! Don’t judge me!)
“I’ve never truly wanted to light my husband on fire”
Other lies I tell myself are far more distracting, destructive, and insidious:
“You are an awful mom”
“You’ll never get there”
“That dream isn’t realistic”
“You should stop trying”
“You are so fat!”
“She has it all together”
“You don’t deserve it”
“You don’t deserve to be happy”
“I need to look like the girl on the magazine cover”
“You’ll never get it done”
“You can’t say no to that”
“You can’t let them know you feel that way”
“You’re failing your kids”
[ian-ad]
Wow! I promise that I’m not always that negative. It’s just that thoughts like these have a way of sneakily burrowing into your brain, hiding, planting their flag, and making a home. Before long, you don’t even notice them. They have become part of you. I’ve allowed these lies to live inside my head for too long! It’s time to kick them to the curb! I’ve had to really sit down and examine how much of my self-talk is negative and defeatist and how much of what I tell myself is actually true. Where did my confidence go, and how can I get it back?
I have bad days, but, for the most part, I really do think I’m a good mom. NO ONE has it all together. I am pushing towards my dreams, and am far from fat. I am consciously working to stop lying to myself and replace those lies with a truth. It could be any truth. Just today I told myself, “I am amazing in bed!” Last night when I looked in the mirror after taking off my make-up, I was automatically drawn to little lines around my eyes and began to think, “Man, you’re looking haggard and old.” But before that thought could dig in and set up shop in my head, I kicked it out and replaced it with, “I must have been smiling and laughing a lot to get those lines.” This isn’t by any means fool proof and it is going to take me a while to retrain my brain to think positively more often. But I owe this to my family and myself.
I challenge you to start retraining your brain as well! Become more mindful of your self-talk and in turn you may find yourself happier along with your family.
-Namaste Bitches!