The answer to the title “When Will I Stop Questioning My Parenting?” is a simple NEVER!
Don’t get me wrong, I have my days where I feel like Mary F#*$ing Poppins. My kids tell me that they love me, that I’m beautiful, and that I am the best mom in the world. Those days are golden and keep me going.
But, lately I have had some questioning moments that have left me smacking my forehead in embarrassment over my biased views and stupid actions. Since I love self depreciation here are some of my more memorable moments.
- Yelling: You do it! You have to admit it, everyone does. Most of the time I feel awful afterwards but there are those few occasions where I feel completely justified. The harder situations is when I am in public. Recently I found myself with both my kids hanging off of me in a waterpark swimming pool. My son was crying and my daughter was screaming at the top of her lungs. I had told them to stop, tried to distract them, and pleaded for them to just calm down. In this moment of extreme chaos I told my son to “Go Away!”, then I used both hands to grab my daughter, give her a quick jerk so she was facing me and I yelled “Stop It!!!”. For a split second my kids were quiet! It felt good that my kids were scared and maybe, just maybe, they realized they couldn’t mess with mom. That moment was fleeting and they both picked up the screaming and crying. This time it was louder. I rolled my eyes and sighed in frustration. As I was mid eye roll I caught the gaze of a disapproving mom. I kid you not!, she looked at me in disgust with her nose scrunched up and jaw open in shock. She then started to shake her head back and forth while she grabbed her pleasantly quiet child and cradled her in her chest. I mouthed very exaggeratedly so she didn’t miss me saying “Really?!”. I then decided that waterpark day was over. It wasn’t until yesterday that this moment came back to me and it made me question my parenting. I was at the mall shopping at a yearly sale at one of the “Higher End” department stores. It’s one of those stores that only plays piano music, and I can only afford items on clearance. My kids were well feed and happy. I was content and loving my day. I even found out my pant size had gone down! I then heard a jarring, loud woman’s voice yell, “What the F#$* are you doing? I will spank you right here and now!!” A disheveled mom was screaming at her kids that were running around.” In that moment I was in a total roll reversal. I wanted to grab my kids and run. I wanted to cuddle them and thank them for their amazing behavior. I then realized I have been in her spot at the water park. Who am I to judge?! I really need to have more patience with my kids and other moms. We are all working hard to raise our kids right and have a happy life.
- Preparing: I have 2 kids but I can tell you all of these things have happened to me this past week:
- Thought “I am just going to run in the grocery store fast with the kids, I do not need to bring the diaper bag in.” Of course my daughters body is telepathic and loves practical jokes so she proceeded to fill her diaper with so much sh@$ that it ends up on her clothes and legs.
- Forget to pack my daughters bottle 3 times in a row when leaving the house, creating 3 tantrum filled car rides home.
- Ran into the house to grab my purse with kids in the carseat and car on. (Stupidest one yet!)
- My son didn’t have pants on when I drove to Target and I had to buy him a pair of shorts. I thought his underwear was shorts and I wasn’t paying close enough attention when leaving the house.
- Spent 45 mins in 98 degree sunny weather with my kids and did not apply sunscreen. Luckily they don’t sunburn easily and the little rosy cheeks they got soon turned brown and tan.
- Play Time Gone Wrong: I love, love, love playing with my kids. But I tend to take it too far sometimes. I try to scare them by jumping out and startling them or playing a spooky game. I inevitably end up accidentally making one of them cry and feel awful for acting more like a sibling then a parent. It is a little funny when I think about it but I hate to see them cry, especially when I know I caused it.
I’m sure with each stage of my kids lives I will find other things I do as a parent that I regret or realize I am doing wrong. Hopefully I will learn to not be so hard on myself cause I am constantly learning and growing.
-Namaste Bitches!