(Note: I prefer the word “Transformation” to Mid-Life Crisis)
Right before I turned 30 my eyes were opened and I realized I was not living for me. I had lived for others for the first 27 years of my life. This in turn created a spiral effect that lead to what I have decided to call my “Transformation” aka early on-set mid-life crisis. (See previous post for background)
I have seen and met many women go through the same thing. Here are usually the factors that lead to this “transformation”
- Strict religious upbringing
- Confusion between anxiety and guilt
- Broken family
- Major life change (for me it was growing and birthing a human child!)
All these things can come together to create the perfect storm for a paradoxical shift in a woman’s psyche.
Not everything that happens during this time is necessarily negative. This is a time of discovery and can be a beautiful thing, just like the caterpillar to butterfly scenario. To quote Micheal Teal, “The seasons of transformation are upon us.”
With that being said, sure, negative crap happens. But you learn from it. Here are 3 things I have found make this sensitive time a little less stressful and painful.
1. Don’t Neglect your Kids, No Matter What!!
Sure you might go through bouts of depression and your emotions are everywhere but your children deserve a healthy, happy childhood; and that includes being nurtured, and played with by their mom. I don’t care if this means you need to take some meds, smells some oils, meditate, pray to a shaman, or hang freaking crystals from your ears. I have seen kids suffer from their moms self discovery and it is so sad. Cause let’s face it, we probably should have went through this time in our teens long before getting married and having kids. But now that we are here there is no going back so just do what it takes to give your kids the attention they need.
This is a great article to make sure you are on the right path to not completely messing up your kids: 6 Types of Dysfunctional Childhoods You Should Know About
2. Tell Your Extended Family NOTHING
One reason why you are in this transformative spot in your life is because you have given into others opinion of you in the past! Don’t let that happen again. This is a time of self discovery and if you have someone, besides your best friend/partner questioning your sanity and every decision you make then it will just bring unnecessary stress, anger and heartbreak on both sides.
3. Tell Your Partner/Husband Everything
Wether your soul mate is your Husband, Partner, Best Friend or all of the above tell them everything. (Unless you are planning on a break up/divorce, in that case, you owe them nothing!) Otherwise stick to your communication guns. IT took me spewing out my heart in detail to my hubby to make sure he understood what was going on. We even did the dreaded couples counseling. Why is it that couples counseling/therapy has such a bad wrap? (I guess that is a subject for an entire different post) But, I believe every couple needs therapy, Mid-Life Crisis/Transformations or not!
In case you want more info on counseling and why you should do it, I love this article I found on-line called “7 Reasons To Seek Marriage Counseling.”
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This is such a sensitive time in your life and if you don’t bring your partner along for the ride, more times then not, they will be left behind, confused, hurt, mad, lost…….the list goes on and on. Then the big nasty word can start to rear its head: Resentment! Once resentment is part of your partners thinking towards you it is really hard to dig yourself out of that hole. So don’t be a total jerk and keep the communication wide open!
Good Luck my little caterpillars!
-Namaste and Remember to Breathe Deep!
